i haven't slept well in weeks
i have night terrors and often wake up
in the middle of the night
for hours, unable to fall back asleep
when i first fall asleep, my roommates usually
come home and wake me up
the garage door grinds open, and then shut
may as well be my wall
the light by the bathroom
floods my room with light
i used to not need an alarm to wake up
now it's screaming plumbing
and the crash of dishes that could not
wait to be put away
i lie there thinking of my frustrations
and inadequacies
and pretty soon there is no going back
it will be a shitty day
i turn on the computer for the next 14 hours
and try to get the work done before the
weekend is over
knowing this was my only chance
for sleeping in
for the joy of staying asleep longer than
snatches of interrupted naps
and waking when my body says it's time to do so,
not from when the other 4 people who live
in this crowded and messy place
decide they need to make noise
it was easier to sleep when i was drinking
i could sleep til noon
my replacement addiction caffeine
has me exhausted yet strangely
completely wide awake, leg uncontrollably shaking
getting more nosebleeds, bags under my eyes
i start to look like a pessimist
in serious need of a nap
does this mean i am incapable of doing
my best, does my best become unreachable
does this work i am torturingly churning out
become judged as the best i can do?
i know its not the best but it is created
in an atmosphere that lacks adequate time and
evaluation procedures of my potential
regurgitated idealism jumps through hoops
i'm going to make it, maybe place or show,
the inner hound limping, bleeding,
but still running for all it has
behind those who don't take things
seriously, who didnt make the commitment
to swatca or start the Unit before they
knew their placement
sigh
i was supposed to sleep in today
what about the students who suffer from
similar unsatisfying patterns, i know
how much lack of sleep affects
brain chemicals
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Friday, February 23, 2007
SWATCA
just for shits and giggles here's who was spotted at the teacher convention:
Katrina, Amber, Claire, Brian, Amy, Anya, Felicia, Kaitlin (Art) Andrew, Sarah, Amy B., Kade (Music) Tiffany, Tammy, Jeff, Andrea, Joey, Liat, Blake (CTS)
I also saw Jenny (Social) and Colleen (English)
Everyone else must have been at the other end of the school, at a different conference, or not truly dedicated to the practice of teaching.
Katrina, Amber, Claire, Brian, Amy, Anya, Felicia, Kaitlin (Art) Andrew, Sarah, Amy B., Kade (Music) Tiffany, Tammy, Jeff, Andrea, Joey, Liat, Blake (CTS)
I also saw Jenny (Social) and Colleen (English)
Everyone else must have been at the other end of the school, at a different conference, or not truly dedicated to the practice of teaching.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
KIDS, 1995
The speaker today brought up this movie, and I was one of two people who had ever heard of it.
He said it was written by a teenager. I watched it when I was about 14.
What I remember of it centers on sex, drugs, and violence.
He said it was written by a teenager. I watched it when I was about 14.
What I remember of it centers on sex, drugs, and violence.
A girl finds out she is HIV positive and goes to tell the boy she slept with.
She gets caught up in a party, ends up passing out on the couch, and someone rapes her.
Kids get high in the park and beat someone to death with their skateboards.
True life nightmares teenagers don't want adults to know about, and usually succeed in keeping well hidden.
Other movies this made me think of: Thirteen, Traffic, Basketball Diaries
This is one of the things that worries me the most about teaching high school or junior high, the fact that things like this happen.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Crank
I watched a movie today
it was about drugs, revenge, and murder
and the sexual objectification of women
among other things: sexism is alive and well
The female charater,
while not one of the hookers, strippers
or inside a small clear bubble
splattered with blood
Stops at one point muttering
oh no i forgot to take my birth control
while he is manishly pushing her
out of the way of the bullets
You know she is just there for the
sex scene, that you keep waiting for
and ends up right on the street in
Chinatown, a bus stops to watch
It is of interest to note that it was written
in 4 days, by guys wanting only a script they
could use with thier cinematographic ideas
The best part he runs around bareassed in a hospital gown
it was about drugs, revenge, and murder
and the sexual objectification of women
among other things: sexism is alive and well
The female charater,
while not one of the hookers, strippers
or inside a small clear bubble
splattered with blood
Stops at one point muttering
oh no i forgot to take my birth control
while he is manishly pushing her
out of the way of the bullets
You know she is just there for the
sex scene, that you keep waiting for
and ends up right on the street in
Chinatown, a bus stops to watch
It is of interest to note that it was written
in 4 days, by guys wanting only a script they
could use with thier cinematographic ideas
The best part he runs around bareassed in a hospital gown
what about...
what about race?
what about class?
what about gender?
what about sexual orientation?
what about nutrition?
what about self-esteem?
what about dangerous homelives?
what about fear?
what about suicide?
what about pressure to succeed?
what about bullying?
what about fitting in?
what about divorce?
what about death?
what about ability level?
what about mental disorder?
what about not knowing the language?
what about the social context the kids we teach are part of?
what about class?
what about gender?
what about sexual orientation?
what about nutrition?
what about self-esteem?
what about dangerous homelives?
what about fear?
what about suicide?
what about pressure to succeed?
what about bullying?
what about fitting in?
what about divorce?
what about death?
what about ability level?
what about mental disorder?
what about not knowing the language?
what about the social context the kids we teach are part of?
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Talking About Bullying
it seems every time i leave context i have a cloud of gloom living in my brain and i just want to go home and cry, that is if i had the time to do so...
today was like that.
there is just so much stuff we would like to ignore and pretend is not there and it is really hard to stare it in the face and talk about it.
everyone has an experience with bullies in some way, and it's surprising it didn't come up much as a topic along with race/sex/class, and were it not for the presentation would we have talked about it at all?
thank you to everyone who shared, personal experience is a good thing to keep in mind when you see in it your classroom. everyone deserves to be safe.
i said that bullying makes a person stronger but really, i wasnt condoning bullying in any way.
today was like that.
there is just so much stuff we would like to ignore and pretend is not there and it is really hard to stare it in the face and talk about it.
everyone has an experience with bullies in some way, and it's surprising it didn't come up much as a topic along with race/sex/class, and were it not for the presentation would we have talked about it at all?
thank you to everyone who shared, personal experience is a good thing to keep in mind when you see in it your classroom. everyone deserves to be safe.
i said that bullying makes a person stronger but really, i wasnt condoning bullying in any way.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Talking About Personal Style
Guys wearing eyeliner with long, spiked hair and facial pircings.
In Grade Eight.
In Lethbridge.
Of all places.
(I would love to see the art/music/writing those students produce...)
This sparked a very interesting conversation over at my table today, about awareness of cliques and how students make themselves part of a certain crowd by looking a certain way.
I would love to do a CTS textiles unit with this theme. Also discuss the un-brand with silkscreening, deconstruction and personalization of a t-shirt, and class performance/experiment where everyone dresses differently than they normally do and experiences a set amount of time.
Begin by discussing school uniforms, that will have students talking.
'I don't like the idea of uniforms.'
'But you're wearing one right now.'
In Grade Eight.
In Lethbridge.
Of all places.
(I would love to see the art/music/writing those students produce...)
This sparked a very interesting conversation over at my table today, about awareness of cliques and how students make themselves part of a certain crowd by looking a certain way.
I would love to do a CTS textiles unit with this theme. Also discuss the un-brand with silkscreening, deconstruction and personalization of a t-shirt, and class performance/experiment where everyone dresses differently than they normally do and experiences a set amount of time.
Begin by discussing school uniforms, that will have students talking.
'I don't like the idea of uniforms.'
'But you're wearing one right now.'
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Talking About Suicide
...maybe suicide prevention should include how to express negative emotions without self-destructive behaviour.
writing
art
music
drama
My best friend in high school routinely cut up her arms. She told me it was her way of 'letting the pain out.' We were 14.
It was not something she showed anyone and her parents didn't know.
Her mother has severe Huntingtons Corea (dimentia) and her dad was always distant.
What she needed was love and guidance. She lived in several foster homes and finally ended up in a government program for teen moms.
The point is that finding an outlet for ourselves and our students and our children and maintaining strong support structures is how to prevent suicide.
writing
art
music
drama
My best friend in high school routinely cut up her arms. She told me it was her way of 'letting the pain out.' We were 14.
It was not something she showed anyone and her parents didn't know.
Her mother has severe Huntingtons Corea (dimentia) and her dad was always distant.
What she needed was love and guidance. She lived in several foster homes and finally ended up in a government program for teen moms.
The point is that finding an outlet for ourselves and our students and our children and maintaining strong support structures is how to prevent suicide.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Big Business Targets Kids (Robertson)
Children are the market of the future.
The lines of cultures blur as an urge to buy the latest commodity becomes what life is about. Tradition be damned, kids just want toys and video games worldwide, except, you know, where they are starving to death or being bombed…
“Manipulating reality is the purpose of advertising.”
Dole lesson plans for social studies, language arts, and math, and Pizza Hut reading incentives are just two examples of major corporations getting their claws into the schools and the vast market of children consumers.
What are worse are the ‘promises of cash donations, free teacher materials or free technology,’ including, ‘monitors, videotaping equipment, satellite dish and computers,’ for allowing advertising in the schools, sometimes ‘oil and chemical industries and conservative coalitions’ geared towards advertising pro-torture and anti-environmentalism.
In other words, $150,000 in technology that the schools may be hard pressed to get in other ways, certainly no bake sale. Another example the article points out that shows how advertising is getting in to schools is the Junior Jays magazine distributed to elementary schools glorifying soda, snacks, fast food and the movie industry.
Visual noise and pressure to spend, spend, spend, should be kept out of schools and anywhere that forms a major portion of children’s mental environment.
The lines of cultures blur as an urge to buy the latest commodity becomes what life is about. Tradition be damned, kids just want toys and video games worldwide, except, you know, where they are starving to death or being bombed…
“Manipulating reality is the purpose of advertising.”
Dole lesson plans for social studies, language arts, and math, and Pizza Hut reading incentives are just two examples of major corporations getting their claws into the schools and the vast market of children consumers.
What are worse are the ‘promises of cash donations, free teacher materials or free technology,’ including, ‘monitors, videotaping equipment, satellite dish and computers,’ for allowing advertising in the schools, sometimes ‘oil and chemical industries and conservative coalitions’ geared towards advertising pro-torture and anti-environmentalism.
In other words, $150,000 in technology that the schools may be hard pressed to get in other ways, certainly no bake sale. Another example the article points out that shows how advertising is getting in to schools is the Junior Jays magazine distributed to elementary schools glorifying soda, snacks, fast food and the movie industry.
Visual noise and pressure to spend, spend, spend, should be kept out of schools and anywhere that forms a major portion of children’s mental environment.
Saturday, February 3, 2007
Educational Responses to Poverty (Levin)
30 years of study shows SES (socioeconomic status) predicts a student’s amount of schooling, how well they do, and how successful they can be in life after school.
The people who are exceptions to this rule are labeled as ‘resilient.’
You would think the government would try to increase funding for anti-poverty through schools, but they would rather let those who struggle suffer.
The only hope a student from low SES has for post-secondary is government loans, which take years to pay off and almost double from interest. Meanwhile, the children of oilfield workers and dentists breeze through college without ever being concerned about where their next meal is coming from, and often without even caring about the subjects they are enrolled in. The rich kids who do work are placed in high paying jobs provided through family connections that poor kids are never even considered for.
The schools, the article says, put too much emphasis on behavior control and give too much seat work, when students should be receiving stimulating challenging instruction. Children of all socioeconomic backgrounds should be given the same opportunities to succeed.
The people who are exceptions to this rule are labeled as ‘resilient.’
You would think the government would try to increase funding for anti-poverty through schools, but they would rather let those who struggle suffer.
The only hope a student from low SES has for post-secondary is government loans, which take years to pay off and almost double from interest. Meanwhile, the children of oilfield workers and dentists breeze through college without ever being concerned about where their next meal is coming from, and often without even caring about the subjects they are enrolled in. The rich kids who do work are placed in high paying jobs provided through family connections that poor kids are never even considered for.
The schools, the article says, put too much emphasis on behavior control and give too much seat work, when students should be receiving stimulating challenging instruction. Children of all socioeconomic backgrounds should be given the same opportunities to succeed.
The Workings of Class (Kusserow)
Apathy is spreading among students, parents, and even teachers.
Some complain they are trying to teach a population that doesn’t want to learn, and find it easier to stop wasting energy trying to get the message across.
The article discusses differences between hard and soft Individualism.
Middle-class children are described in the category of emotion-focused ‘psychologized individualism,’ where parents and teachers resist direct commands to children and teach them to be curious, ask questions, and communicate with adults.
On the other side of the fence, low income neighborhoods are ‘harder realities that give rise to harder individualisms,’ where self-determination, privacy, and self reliance are seen as what’s important and students may be embarrassed about sensitivity, emotions, and imagination.
‘Our culture’s myth of classlessness’ is false, class distinction is apparent in different neighborhoods, jobs, healthcare, exposure to violence, different styles of clothing, music and leisure activities. Our society has a constant pressure to look, act and speak like middle or high class.
I really liked the line in the article ‘we have a word for middle class people’s preoccupation with their inner world. It’s depression.’ It brings to light how our ancestors struggled to build their lives in hard times, and only now in the age of boredom are there so many reported cases of mental disorders.
Some complain they are trying to teach a population that doesn’t want to learn, and find it easier to stop wasting energy trying to get the message across.
The article discusses differences between hard and soft Individualism.
Middle-class children are described in the category of emotion-focused ‘psychologized individualism,’ where parents and teachers resist direct commands to children and teach them to be curious, ask questions, and communicate with adults.
On the other side of the fence, low income neighborhoods are ‘harder realities that give rise to harder individualisms,’ where self-determination, privacy, and self reliance are seen as what’s important and students may be embarrassed about sensitivity, emotions, and imagination.
‘Our culture’s myth of classlessness’ is false, class distinction is apparent in different neighborhoods, jobs, healthcare, exposure to violence, different styles of clothing, music and leisure activities. Our society has a constant pressure to look, act and speak like middle or high class.
I really liked the line in the article ‘we have a word for middle class people’s preoccupation with their inner world. It’s depression.’ It brings to light how our ancestors struggled to build their lives in hard times, and only now in the age of boredom are there so many reported cases of mental disorders.
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