the last to go was the light in her eyes
waking up with a charlie horse, right leg,
clenching teeth in pain
beating with futile fists
pushing, searching the muscle for a point
trying to release its rock hardness
awake now, limping, sore.
I don't like it. It doesn't need to change.
Offhand destruction of enthusiasm and friendship
I can't apologize
It is who I am
Weeping, trying to keep it together
the children make it easier to fake
some see the tear stains
and redness
others will never see.
I drive all the way to the hospital
with wet sore eyes
but am too afraid to go in
I clear out the library shelf of its
madness literature, 616
I shut off my emotions
I don't want to cry
the hurt becomes worse.
She was dull, blank, hollow
She never smiled
she rarely talked
voice quiet, mostly breath
no humour
no passion
no offense to people she cared about
she stopped crying
stopped loving
stopped creating
stopped living.
The last to go was the light in her eyes.
