Success

I am a successful educator
I spend every moment outside the classroom thinking
about my kids and how I can teach them the curriculum
with fun, hands-on activities
I do lesson planning in my sleep.
When I come home,
I hear their voices in my mind
Mrs. Simsim...
I'm telling...
Mrs. Simisim...
Teacher...
Sometimes I think I'm going crazy
but I've been here far too long to be going!
The voices are memories, not schizo messages
but I can never make them stop.
I am falling behind typing up my lessons and reflections.
Sometimes it's a day to day basis
but I have read and reread the curriculum so many times
and I reflect on everything all day anyways,
I can store it all in my head.
It's not that I'm unprepared, I just
make everything harder than it has to be
I use ridiculous amounts of energy
to polish and perfect everything.
I hear it gets easier with time
but it's been accumulating and getting harder,
but not as hard as yelling at my kids when they misbehave
or stopping a fun activity because
TV has spoiled their attention spans
and they naturally want to express their excitement
in a non-sit down fashion.
I am still working at a level above their heads
My challenge is breaking everything down to the simplest steps
I keep thinking they are grade 5 and can read instructions
it's so easy to fall into colouring and cut and paste worksheets
and free for all fun fests labeled as art
but my obligation is that in grade 2 they will be ready.
I need to provide structure and prepare them
for the next 12 years of their lives.
This is not the time in my life I should teach Jr High
My teaching sense is tuned to primary
They're just so damn cute

What grade should you teach?

I used to tell people that I would most like to teach troubled Junior High kids, and they would recoil in shock and terror. One of my favourite practicums *they're all my favourite* was in a Young Offenders Remand Center. At first I was afraid of being stabbed with a pencil, but I was accepted after playing volleyball with the boys and establishing trust. Even if they were drop outs, they were forced to take distance learning classes. This was good because it gave them the chance of a high school diploma, able to transfer when they get out of jail. This was bad because most kids were only in for short times, and did not have any motivation towards their education.

I was once told that if you know what to teach, teach high school;
if you know how to teach, teach elementary.

Just like nature & nurture and black & white, I believe strongly in both what & how.
Hypocricy, contradiction, balance, equilibrium.

My second practicum and third day with my grade ones has convinced me I want to teach elementary. Mostly because I enjoy choas and flexibilty. Also because of what my carpool told me on Thursday: after one day (and orientation) with grade nines she will never again teach junior high. Of 32 students, over 20 have IPPs. It scares me. But something still holds on to the notion of getting a Masters in Counselling Psychology. Just not for a long time.

I starting thinking that if you want to teach people who are aware of life without school, yet choose to be there, teach high school. If you want to teach people who are aware, and really don't want to be there, teach junior high. If you want to teach people unaware of life without school, teach elementary. There is something powerful in rows and authority. Despite my anti-conformist pickets and banners I still believe in uniforms in school.

Plus grade one is just so damn cute. I love reading picture books and making art with little kids.

Rest

That was all I needed

Was it the fourth day in a row
I didn't go to school
Or the sunshine
Promise of spring
I noticed this morning

That was all I needed

I don't want to give homework
Especially over the weekend
I don't expect my students
To commit their time to accomplish my
lack of time and slow student catch-up technique
when
just like me
they need to refresh their minds