Trying to Understand

I follow my heart to suffering
my best intentions lead to pain
imagination and false hopes deadly
to the budding reality
I cradle in my hands

You were interested in me
you would catch my attention
ask me to do things with you
call when you say you'll call
gazing into your eyes as your true smile
spread across your face, the sunrise

Then came drink
and all the words you used to snare my heart
your soft kisses
I was so afraid but I would do anything for you
I didnt want to be your girlfriend until you asked me to be
someone else still holds my heart

One day you were so cold
you didnt avoid me
but you wouldnt touch me
I wonder what you are thinking
if I'll ever understand

At least you were honest
in telling me you were seeing other people
tried so hard not to get jealous
but my heart was shattered
I hid my tears
felt like you didnt even want to see me
but you stayed when you could have left

Tried to explain things to me
hard to take as poison
that you take it all back
that you're ashamed
I knew it was the last night I'd have my man in my bed

I wasnt what you wanted
A fool for believing in you
slowly sank back into the dark depths
of my misery and loneliness

My heart can't give up on you
I want so bad to believe you didnt lie to me
and that I can trust you

It Stops

this is familiar
i've been here before
funny
i promised myself
i'd never go back
yet here i am
nothing is changed
and i'm cold and lonely
starving
feeling like nothing to you
don't you want me
i did it again
i poisoned you with love
you're sick of me already
cold and distant
as i move closer you push away
used up
forgotton
i smile and say fine
i laugh and say ok
i pretend everything is normal
i try to convince myself all these pacifying lies
you act like you don't even want to see me
you fill my mind with awful thoughts
of your infedelity
i want to run away
i am so afraid
dont tell me damn it
don't let my imagination take hold and begin this decline
when thinking of you
my heart clenches in pain
i wish what you said was real
i wish you didn't take back your words
you broke my heart
i'm still crying over you
even though i knew this would happen
predicted in my sleep
i got what i wanted
was it too good to last