Lack of Sleep Affects Brain Chemicals

i haven't slept well in weeks
i have night terrors and often wake up
in the middle of the night
for hours, unable to fall back asleep
when i first fall asleep, my roommates usually
come home and wake me up
the garage door grinds open, and then shut
may as well be my wall
the light by the bathroom
floods my room with light
i used to not need an alarm to wake up
now it's screaming plumbing
and the crash of dishes that could not
wait to be put away
i lie there thinking of my frustrations
and inadequacies
and pretty soon there is no going back
it will be a shitty day
i turn on the computer for the next 14 hours
and try to get the work done before the
weekend is over
knowing this was my only chance
for sleeping in
for the joy of staying asleep longer than
snatches of interrupted naps
and waking when my body says it's time to do so,
not from when the other 4 people who live
in this crowded and messy place
decide they need to make noise
it was easier to sleep when i was drinking
i could sleep til noon
my replacement addiction caffeine
has me exhausted yet strangely
completely wide awake, leg uncontrollably shaking
getting more nosebleeds, bags under my eyes
i start to look like a pessimist
in serious need of a nap
does this mean i am incapable of doing
my best, does my best become unreachable
does this work i am torturingly churning out
become judged as the best i can do?
i know its not the best but it is created
in an atmosphere that lacks adequate time and
evaluation procedures of my potential
regurgitated idealism jumps through hoops
i'm going to make it, maybe place or show,
the inner hound limping, bleeding,
but still running for all it has
behind those who don't take things
seriously, who didnt make the commitment
to swatca or start the Unit before they
knew their placement
sigh
i was supposed to sleep in today

what about the students who suffer from
similar unsatisfying patterns, i know
how much lack of sleep affects
brain chemicals

SWATCA

just for shits and giggles here's who was spotted at the teacher convention:

Katrina, Amber, Claire, Brian, Amy, Anya, Felicia, Kaitlin (Art) Andrew, Sarah, Amy B., Kade (Music) Tiffany, Tammy, Jeff, Andrea, Joey, Liat, Blake (CTS)

I also saw Jenny (Social) and Colleen (English)

Everyone else must have been at the other end of the school, at a different conference, or not truly dedicated to the practice of teaching.

KIDS, 1995

The speaker today brought up this movie, and I was one of two people who had ever heard of it.
He said it was written by a teenager. I watched it when I was about 14.
What I remember of it centers on sex, drugs, and violence.

A girl finds out she is HIV positive and goes to tell the boy she slept with.

She gets caught up in a party, ends up passing out on the couch, and someone rapes her.

Kids get high in the park and beat someone to death with their skateboards.

True life nightmares teenagers don't want adults to know about, and usually succeed in keeping well hidden.

Other movies this made me think of: Thirteen, Traffic, Basketball Diaries

This is one of the things that worries me the most about teaching high school or junior high, the fact that things like this happen.

Crank

I watched a movie today
it was about drugs, revenge, and murder
and the sexual objectification of women
among other things: sexism is alive and well

The female charater,
while not one of the hookers, strippers
or inside a small clear bubble
splattered with blood

Stops at one point muttering
oh no i forgot to take my birth control
while he is manishly pushing her
out of the way of the bullets

You know she is just there for the
sex scene, that you keep waiting for
and ends up right on the street in
Chinatown, a bus stops to watch

It is of interest to note that it was written
in 4 days, by guys wanting only a script they
could use with thier cinematographic ideas
The best part he runs around bareassed in a hospital gown

what about...

what about race?
what about class?
what about gender?
what about sexual orientation?
what about nutrition?
what about self-esteem?
what about dangerous homelives?
what about fear?
what about suicide?
what about pressure to succeed?
what about bullying?
what about fitting in?
what about divorce?
what about death?
what about ability level?
what about mental disorder?
what about not knowing the language?
what about the social context the kids we teach are part of?

Talking About Bullying

it seems every time i leave context i have a cloud of gloom living in my brain and i just want to go home and cry, that is if i had the time to do so...

today was like that.

there is just so much stuff we would like to ignore and pretend is not there and it is really hard to stare it in the face and talk about it.

everyone has an experience with bullies in some way, and it's surprising it didn't come up much as a topic along with race/sex/class, and were it not for the presentation would we have talked about it at all?

thank you to everyone who shared, personal experience is a good thing to keep in mind when you see in it your classroom. everyone deserves to be safe.

i said that bullying makes a person stronger but really, i wasnt condoning bullying in any way.

Talking About Personal Style

Guys wearing eyeliner with long, spiked hair and facial pircings.

In Grade Eight.

In Lethbridge.

Of all places.

(I would love to see the art/music/writing those students produce...)

This sparked a very interesting conversation over at my table today, about awareness of cliques and how students make themselves part of a certain crowd by looking a certain way.

I would love to do a CTS textiles unit with this theme. Also discuss the un-brand with silkscreening, deconstruction and personalization of a t-shirt, and class performance/experiment where everyone dresses differently than they normally do and experiences a set amount of time.

Begin by discussing school uniforms, that will have students talking.

'I don't like the idea of uniforms.'

'But you're wearing one right now.'