It Begins

you opened yourself to me
showed me vulnerability
asked me to be your girlfriend
caught off guard
wanting the same
you know all the right things to say
go to the calendar
draw a line through each day
until a month from now
thats how long we'll date
and then decide if we want to move in together
because you need out
and I need to pay my loan
I can give you what you need
respect and admiration
intimacy, touch
but can I trust you?

Crush

begins as physical attraction
almost always immediately
out of control
I see the inner being of their eyes
try to stop staring
their smile and laugh the clincher
my heart is gone
before I even know their name
fascinated, studying
try to control the uncontrollable
how should I act, what should I do
over-analyze everything

this is not love
love is giving
enjoying companionship without expectations
giving it time to grow
trust is the surrender of control

Friday the Thirteenth

the last to go was the light in her eyes

waking up with a charlie horse, right leg,

clenching teeth in pain

beating with futile fists

pushing, searching the muscle for a point

trying to release its rock hardness

awake now, limping, sore.

I don't like it. It doesn't need to change.

Offhand destruction of enthusiasm and friendship

I can't apologize

It is who I am

Weeping, trying to keep it together

the children make it easier to fake

some see the tear stains

and redness

others will never see.

I drive all the way to the hospital

with wet sore eyes

but am too afraid to go in

I clear out the library shelf of its

madness literature, 616

I shut off my emotions

I don't want to cry

the hurt becomes worse.

She was dull, blank, hollow

She never smiled

she rarely talked

voice quiet, mostly breath

no humour

no passion

no offense to people she cared about

she stopped crying

stopped loving

stopped creating

stopped living.

The last to go was the light in her eyes.

Reflection

All things meant to be
Shall come to pass
Learn patience
Learn tact
Listen

Last Day of University

Seven years

Don't even remember the start

But I know how much I've changed

And how much I've stayed the same

It's done

I become the one giving the homework

And marking the assignments

In school for life

Lunar Eclipse

These silences

are incomplete

Filled by the ebb & flow of life

Endless thought

Satisfying a craving

Binge on sleep

Daylight and fresh air

I feel better now, at ease

Almost ready for a nap.

Tonight all hope is lost

Blocked by the world

We are lost

Shortly after all returns to normal

We realize the presence of hope

Intuition and dream

Emotion, instinct

The eclipse is renewal.

Death by Air

I found your shriveled crispy body

Like a fallen leaf, on the floor

I scooped you up and laid you to rest

In a plastic bag coffin

You were so exuberant in your watery home

A living rainbow, now turned black

It pains me to think about the moment

Of your departure,

If you could feel parts of you being eaten,

Or if you were already gone by that point

Tossed around by gentle fuzzy paws

An end to the daily terror

Of predators watching, watching, attacking

It was only a matter of time.